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February 2012: The Month Where I Really Felt The Loss of John Candy
Posted by: Tucker Stone on March 7, 2012
Categories: Reviews
What follows is the second in a series of 12 posts, capturing the official Savage Critics rating for all of the comics that I read but couldn’t find the time (or space) to write about in a more “professional” capacity. The first one is here.
January 2012: Tucker Had To File These At Some Point
Posted by: Tucker Stone on January 31, 2012
Categories: Reviews
What follows is the first in what will become a series of 12 posts, capturing the official Savage Critics rating for all of the comics that I read but couldn’t find the time (or space) to write about in a more “professional” capacity. [Note: this post includes comics read in 2011 as well as stuff from January, so you can expect some cursory bits here. Also: I missed you guys. I miss your face, your moist carcass, your buttermilk porpoise, your tender kiss and your sloppy tongues. Joe McCulloch is going to make a great father to what I’ve got growing inside me right now, and I hear great things are brewing in the Loins of Khosla. This is dedicated… Read More…
Tucker Goes Deep Inside Hal Jordan’s War
Posted by: Tucker Stone on March 29, 2011
Categories: Reviews
Green Lantern 64 (Part One of War of The Green Lanterns) Hal Jordan? Funny you asked. As a result of of the death of his father, he’s refused to acknowledge fear, forever living a life of risk and insubordination. He lacks professionalism and restraint and has never been able to keep his emotions in check. The Green Lantern Corps–a paramilitary police organization whose shield he operates under–was willing to look the other way, until he started hanging out with aliens who have and use colored rings from other spokes of what’s been called “The Emotional Spectrum”. Forming what’s been called the Rainbow Squadron, this unofficial team of Jordan’s is unacceptable to the Corps, so he must be, and he will be…arrested…. Read More…
At Least Tucker’s Got The Day Of Atonement To Look Forward To: Exactly 10,000 Words On 9/1
Posted by: Tucker Stone on September 8, 2010
Categories: Reviews
What follows is an experiment, never to be repeated, wherein I read as many of the last week’s new comic books and graphic novels as I could find, and provided ratings on most of them. Brian suggested splitting it into two posts, but after some consideration, I’ve decided to publish it all at once, because it was stupid, and stupid shouldn’t breed. The act of “reviewing” this many comics–quite a few of which are clearly not designed for drop-in readers, even more of which do not (nor should) include me in the target audience–is a fundamentally hideous idea, one that can in no way benefit me as a human being who wishes to do other things with his time. Whether… Read More…
Reaching For Toast Like TV Remotes: Tucker on 7/21
Posted by: Tucker Stone on July 27, 2010
Categories: Reviews
I have nothing to add to your comics news cycle, but I still happen to like comic books enough to purchase them in the face of a fearsome unemployment rate. Here are some of the ones that will someday make a family member of mine hate me for having, because they will have to deal with getting rid of them after I shuffle off this mortal coil.
No Sacrificing, Strike Like Lightning: Tucker on 6/16
Posted by: Tucker Stone on June 19, 2010
Categories: Reviews
Hey, I’m into single issues of things that come out on a weekly basis in a paper format that I can purchase with American currency. Here’s a few of them.
Tucker Has No Experience With Which To Gauge These Comics Properly
Posted by: Tucker Stone on April 28, 2010
Categories: Reviews
This is a bit too long and overly friendly, so it’s buried under the cut where Chris and Sean won’t have to read it. It’s about this X-Men Second Coming shindig. And me. It’s too long. Also spoilers.
Tucker Can’t Get Enough Of Waxing Babies
Posted by: Tucker Stone on March 4, 2010
Categories: Reviews
Mommy got me an exclusive.
Tucker Manages To Read Some Comics
Posted by: Tucker Stone on February 17, 2010
Categories: Reviews
Been away from the Savage longer than I expected to be, and that’s how it goes when you can’t see your keyboard through a veil of tears. I’m not the political type, so don’t expect any side-taking in the whole Communist America controversy, but I will remind you of this one fact, learnt from my pappy’s knee: any sort of testicular manipulation (including “teabagging”) is a 100% fantastic way to spend one’s time, and a little summer fun with the Lord’s satchel never hurt a soul. Stealing the term for usage in the latest re-re-remix of party over here/party over there may not be an actual crime, but no matter which side you take on the Bookscan debate, we’ve all… Read More…
Tucker Proves He Is Incapable Of Sincerity, Thinking: Post One Of One
Posted by: Tucker Stone on October 4, 2009
Categories: Reviews
I’m a simple man, that should be apparent. I prefer my Passion to be in a Cove, my Bedtime to be packed with Stories, and my Hotel’s to be nearby some Erotica. So when Mr. Wolk fired off the “step up to the plate, ye lazy jackals” missive, I thought I’d respond by denying the Critics its Savage-ry, and provide a bit of the “Good Stuff”, i.e., stuff I actually find enjoyable. In other words, this is “too many words that say too little” surrounding the old “look at sumthing kewl” comic book blog post. If this was a Pile, I’d tell you to Buy. (Two of three are out of print though, which is a bit of a scumbag… Read More…
Tucker Really Hopes You Like His Reviews Of Comics So Much You Guys
Posted by: Tucker Stone on September 18, 2009
Categories: Reviews
Looks like there’s been enough meat-y think posts on here since the last time I checked in. Too bad that they all keep being on comics you cats have all read, right? I thought I’d take a look at some of the 2009 small press stuff, and I totally started on that, and then I got distracted by the fact that a ball of aluminum foil can reflect light. I keep batting it around, but since it’s not really round, I never know what direction it’s going to go in. Here’s three though. They’re all in the Upper Echelon of the Ratings Scale, if you’ve got your computer turned on its side. Jan’s Atomic Heart They’re calling this one a… Read More…
Tucker And Some Comics That Actually Came Out This Week
Posted by: Tucker Stone on July 31, 2009
Categories: Reviews
Every week, I go to a comic book store and pick out some comics that I want to read and then I read them and then I think about them and then sometimes I write about them. Sometimes I just read stuff because people on the internet say they are totally awesome and full of win. Sometimes those people on the internet are dirty liars with bad taste. Dark Reign: Hawkeye # 4 Some of the Dark Reign books have been pretty entertaining, and that’s not really surprising–Marvel’s got a lot of writers who would clearly prefer writing espionage/crime thrillers, and doing a bunch of short mini-series focusing on shlocky villain characters and hardcore action allows them to ignore the… Read More…
A Political Examination Of Sexual Dynamism In The Afrikaner Narrative "Tharg’s Future Shocks"
Posted by: Tucker Stone on July 4, 2009
Categories: Reviews
Nah, this is just more of the Savage Critics ongoing coverage of Justice League: Cry For Justice #1. Never let it be said that I don’t respond to a strongly worded memo from the desk of Mr. Hibbs. I know how to respond to memos. Wolk’s already covered the best possible Insta-Review you can give this piece of shit, Graeme’s already nailed the comparison to that Secret War thing, Hibbs covered the whole “hey, that word looks like gay sort of” thing, and I’m betting the Savage ain’t done with this dead horse yet. And make no mistake: this pony lacked a pulse on arrival, it’s the equivalent of somebody pushing a wheelbarrow full o’ carcass up to the starting… Read More…
Tucker Found These Capsules On Top Of A Bowflex Machine
Posted by: Tucker Stone on June 26, 2009
Categories: Reviews
In an ever-desperate attempt towards anti-relevance, I gave a kid some money, told the kid to grab comics out of the “read these eventually” pile, ordered them chronologically, and will now proceed as if they came out this week. Even though they didn’t. Zap # 4, Published by Last Gasp, 1969 “… the cartoon is ugly, cheap and degrading. Its purpose is to stimulate erotic responses, and does not, as claimed, deal with basic realities of life. It is grossly shocking, demeaning the sexual experience by perverting it…it is part of the underworld press–the growing world of deceit and sex, and it is not reality or honesty, as they often claim it to be. It represents an emotional incapacity to… Read More…
A Last Second Memorial Day Tribute To G.I. Joe
Posted by: Tucker Stone on May 26, 2009
Categories: Reviews
My relationship with G.I. Joe as a toy, cartoon, enterprise, as an anything extends to one anecdote, which always gets the same reaction, in that the bored listener doesn’t believe it and thinks it is a bad attempt at a tasteless joke. My brother and I had a couple of them until he took a hacksaw and sawed off Scarlet’s breasts while holding the figure in a vice, which is harder than it sounds. Then he tried to flush the remaining carcass and limbs down the toilet. Even my dad, whose interest in children extended to attempting to learn some of our names, felt the need to tell my mother “There’s something wrong with that one.” From then on, we… Read More…
The Best He Is At What He Does, As Long As That Isn’t Preventing Rampant Piracy
Posted by: Tucker Stone on May 1, 2009
Categories: Reviews
Mr. Claremont, you’re a man of strong opinions. Who would you say your favorite Wolverine writers are, besides you? “Len Wein. Archie Goodwin…[long pause]…well, he isn’t a writer, but a creative force: Hugh Jackman.” [8 second pause at least, give or take when I actually started counting out of confusion at whether he was done talking] “Oh! Larry Hama.” So I watched that X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie, and while I have to admit to being impressed that the popularity of overly wordy titles with colons has made their way from Batman Battle For The Cowl: Holy God In Heaven You People Will Learn To Like Hush to the feature film marquee–although I think we should still give credit to Ballistic:… Read More…
The Wire Holds My Jaw In Due To A Wallet Chain Removing The Gum That Holds Normal Lower Jaws In
Posted by: Tucker Stone on March 5, 2009
Categories: Reviews
Still adrift in the sea of figuring out how to carve a niche for myself amongst the Savage Critics sea of talent, a task made that much worse ever since The Hibbsnation 2000 vetoed my proposed 27 part multimedia series “Fantasy Tales Involving Chris Eckert Coating The Chest Of Sean Collins in Warm Peanut Oil,” but unwilling to break for the beckoning seas of non-participation, I, you’re friendly Can O’ Spinach, thought it might be best to just dive in and “punch the keys” as if I was a poor kid trying to get through private school on something besides my amazing free throw skillz. Lay down all your burdens, unbuckle your pants, throw on Japan’s Adolescent Sex: this was… Read More…
Oh, And My Entire Lower Jaw Is Held In Place By A Flimsy Metal Wire
Posted by: Tucker Stone on February 16, 2009
Categories: Reviews
I’m not sure how I got here either, so hey: we’re in agreement, probably for the last time. Tucker Stone’s the name, writing about random stuff at The Factual Opinion is the hobby, it turns into a profession at comiXology, and if you like to hold it in your grubby paws, grab a copy of Comic Foundry. If comics aren’t your bag, and you want to brush up on your Italian, keep an eye out for upcoming issues of MUSE magazine. (I know!) Otherwise sister, the game plan is simple: I plan to write purely about sexism in comics, or maybe sex in comics, or maybe just some sex I had on top of a pile of comics–whatever the Hibbster… Read More…
