Posted by: Brian Hibbs on August 26, 2004
Less time than I thought this week — too much message boarding (How does any of those incessant Newsarama posters get ANYthing done in real life? Do they just post on their boss’ dime all day or something? Are they all pale 13 year olds who never see the sun? Someone should do a study!), plus, last night our Television went out so we need to go buy a new one this morning. So just a quick couple of reviews so, y’know, they don’t take my blogging rights away from me.
By the way, do I need to insert possible spoiler warnings for the below? Or is it just assumed?
WORLDWATCH #1: If I know you well enough, you have really been missing a superhero comic with dialogue like Hero: “Face down — Hands behind your back, jerkoff!” Villian: “Who you calling jerkoff, you bondage whore!!”. I know you’ve wanted a comic where female characters lounge around with their shirts off on almost every page, where there’s frank talk about sex, about superhero webcams, where one hero jerks off watching another pair couple. Yes, you’ve wanted this forever… but where could you get it? Where and from who? Must your life be an endless torment of despair and anguish as you can’t find this certain one thing you’ve always secretly wanted?
Well, suffer no more, true believer! Chuck Austen feels your special pain, and he’s here with the solution to all of your dark shameful little desires. Yes, it’s WORLDWATCH — the “mature” take on superheroes! Move over Watchmen! Step aside Authority! THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT!
Come on, where else are you going to hear an exchange like this: Male hero: “So, technically…. you’re DEAD?” Female Hero: “Not in bed.” YESSSSSSSSSSS! Excuse me, something has come up… if you know what I mean!
ULTIMATE ELEKTRA #1: Meanwhile, on the other side of things, here’s a comic predicated on gripping money laundering action! Oooh, hot! Elektra doesn’t actually appear in this comic, at least not in the costumed sense. Which is fine with me, but this is probably too cerebral for anyone who normally follows the character. A strong OK.
CATWOMAN #34: Big reveal this issue — turns out everything is Steph’s fault. Which, when I first read it, made me go “Wow, that’s clever!”, but then I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that it was, instead, rather stupid. She’s not be trained enough to know who Matches Malone is, yet she can take a secret destroy all crime from the bat-computer? And, wait, Batman doesn’t recognize HIS OWN PLAN? Does that seem likely? And anyway, Matches is meant to take over the gangs? I thought the whole POINT of Matches was that he was an anonymous low level hood? Not boss-level, to be sure! I liked it as I was reading it, and I thought the coloring looked terrific on the nice art…. but I can’t do more than a strong OK, because the end is so implausible.
BATMAN #631: I don’t know that I really buy “Gasp! Batman murdered that girl!” at all — this isn’t Year One, after all. Plus, what’s up with those panels where it looks like Batgirl (I think) snapping those guys necks? *shrug* A low OK.
GREEN LANTERN #180: First we get Dead Girlfriend in the Fridge, now we get Dead Mom in the Oven. Blech! Hey, and did anyone notice how Kyle (accidentally, I’m sure!) ended up desecrating his mother’s warm corpse by blowing up the entire house? Neat! More one dimensional than the pages it is printed on. Awful.
SUPERMAN #208: A marginal improvement over the first few parts, but I still don’t really get what’s going on with “the vanishing” or what it means, or what caused it, or why I should care, or, really, anything. But, hey, at least the League looks cool. Eh.
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #511: Oddly enough, JMS and Deodato doing MARY JANE’S THEATER ADVENTURES might be an interesting comic — it held my interest more than the “You got your DNA in my peanut butter!” a-story, that’s for sure. OK.
ASTONISHING X-MEN #4: While I’m a little bugged that Piotr is back (OR IS HE?!?!?!), mostly because he was the first of the “No, ‘dead’ MEANS ‘dead’!” characters of the Quesada regieme, Kitty’s reaction to same was super precious and makes up for a world of annoyances. I liked it: Very Good.
OK, out of time — more later tonight, I hope…..