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“Anybody Who Expects GRATITUDE From A Cat Is A REAL Asshole…” COMICS! Sometimes It Might Just Be A Beautifully Illustrated Black Joke At The Expense of Catholicism!

John Kane

During 1990-91 DC Comics published one of the finest comics ever created. Its sales did not set the world afire. In December 2014 you get the chance to put things right. In December 2014 DC Comics are publishing, for the first time ever, the collected TWILIGHT by Howard Victor Chaykin, José Luis García-López, Ken (Kenneth) Bruzenak, Steve Oliff and Richard Ory. I like it and I think you will too. (Now UPDATED to include quotes and acknowledgements.) From TWILIGHT by Chaykin, Garcia-Lopez, Bruzenak, Oliff & Ory Anyway, this…

“No WANDERING OFF.” COMICS (and MOVIES)! Sometimes All Other Priorities Are Rescinded!

John Kane

Hello! You can blame this one on a conversation I had at a party. I say party but at my age that’s four men in a suburban living room with some nibbles and tinnies with the conversation always one slurred word away from movies. At that point it’s all about ALIEN from my end of the couch. And so is this huge block of stale drivel. It’s a bit wayward but if you stick with it I do mention comics eventually. Dedicated to the enduring magic of the wrestler, teacher and actor Mr. Brian Glover (1934-1997). Anyway, this…

“The Day Terry Vanished.” COMICS! Sometimes You Should Take Off And Nuke The Idea From Orbit. It’s The Only Way To Be Sure!

John Kane

That’s right, it has been a while! No flies on you, me old mucker. Cringing apologies duly tendered and all that. Just so you don’t think The Savage Critics don’t love you anymore here’s some words about a comic. Anyway, this…

“F*** it. I’ll Do It Meself.” MOVIES! Sometimes No Matter How Warm The Fire Is You Shouldn’t Sit With Your Back To The World!

John Kane

In which an old man suckers you in by talking about a movie you might have seen recently and then bores your balls bald by chuntering on about a triple bill of flamboyantly and unrepentantly 1970s Vincent Price horror movies. Cardomon – it’s the spice of life! No, wait, it’s variety! Anyway, this…

“I Think Guys Don’t Know These Things.” COMICS! Sometimes I May Be Slow To Praise But When I Praise It Comes Like The Rains!

John Kane

Sometimes people stop me in the street and ask me to stop following them what the best monthly periodical genre comic currently on the stands is. And I tell them, all these people who I’m pretending constantly stop me in the street and ask that question, that the best monthly periodical genre comic currently on the stands is STRAY BULLETS. I haven’t said that before on here because, honestly, I didn’t think it needed saying. It seems I thought wrong. So no blame, no shame and let’s don our knuckle dusters, knuckle down and rectify this shabby state of affairs right damn now. Also, I tell you how to get CHEAP COMICS!!! Yeah, thought you’d like that. Anyway, this…

“KIRBY!!!!” NEWS! Lo! There Is An Ending!

John Kane

Word is reaching us here in The United Kingdom that an “agreement” has been reached between The Kirbys and Marvel/Disney. The Beat Bleeding Cool Details to be confirmed as yet, but I’m sure we are all of one mind and one heart that this is an end to it all right here. We now return to our regularly scheduled weekend…

“DO NOT Get In The Car.” COMICS! Sometimes I Just Want To Hug Scotland.

John Kane

Yeah, thanks Scotland. We’re stronger together and all that. But no time to shilly shally lets get on with kicking the Tories out. In the meantine I read some comics and then wrote some words about them. I wouldn’t grace them with the term reviews but, you know, it’s content. NIGHTWORLD by Leandri & McGovern Anyway, this…

“Don’t Make A Noise Or I’ll Send The Devil A Henchman.” COMICS! Sometimes My Eyes Get A Rough Ride!

John Kane

Content, he said tersely, and spun upon his heel to leave. What? Conan. It’s Conan. It’s always been Conan. So cleave the break asunder and have at it with much vigour. Anyway, this…

“They’re As Big As The Sky…” COMICS! Sometimes The Eyes Have It!

John Kane

O, America! There you go again sneaking another holiday in! Did it involve turkeys? You and your turkeys, America! Well, there’s no holiday from me going on about something I read. Much as both of us might wish otherwise. Was it a turkey though? Eh? Eh? Some clever word play there. Force your own face under the break to find out! Anyway, this…

“They’ve Set Fire To The Universe!! Look Out! LOOK OUT!” COMICS! Sometimes We Celebrate The Arrival On Earth of Jack Kirby!!

John Kane

Yes, it’s that time of the year again! The time of the year when we celebrate the eternal magic of the man born on this day in 1917 as Jacob Kurtzberg; a man more commonly known to all as Jack Kirby. I’ll shut my fat yapper now because this is his day and so without any further ado here are a selection of “cosmic”!!! images that just boggle my mind every time I see ‘em. Many happy returns then to the man whose physical form has gone but whose genius transcends mortality. KIRBY!!! Anyway, this…

“They’re Rewriting History. But They Forgot About Me.” VIDEO GAMES! Sometimes I Think After Manic Miner It Was All Downhill.

John Kane

Geeze Louise, it’s a regular content tailback you can see from space we got going on here. Below this is Brian “Two Shops” Hibbs’ Shipping List and under that is Abhay Khosla’s typically effervescent take on the TV pitch comic Fatale. Me, I let the side down and do a good impression of a middle aged man who doesn’t understand what he is looking at or why it is doing those things. Yes! I played a video game and I didn’t have to go to an Arcade to do it. It was in my own home. Food in pill form next. I’m tellin’ ya! IT’S PEOPLE! Oh, be warned; I have no idea how to get pictures off my XBox…  Read More…

“I’ve Tasted SHOES With More Flavour.” COMICS! Sometimes Despite It Being Summer I Still Sit Here And Write This Rhubarb!

John Kane

As tradition dictates I read some comics and then wrote about them. However, I feel it incumbent upon me to direct your gaze further down the page where two other people have done some real writing. Don’t worry there’s none of that below this cut; consistency is key! By Scioli & Barber Anyway, this…

“…So The VILE APPETITES of Mankind Could No Longer Corrupt The Harmony of My PERFECT BODY!” COMICS! Sometimes These Tales of Hoffman Deliver On The Fantastique But Honesty Compels Me To Admit They Are Sorely Lacking In The Opera Department!

John Kane

Hey, I wrote about a comic and now it’s like it never existed. Maybe I just dreamt it all. That’d be spookily appropriate. Unlikely though. Anyway, this…

“Extremely Unlikely, And Definitely Improbably, But Not IMPOSSIBLE” COMICS! Sometimes It’s A Whole New World. We Just Need Some Magic Carpets And We’re Set To Go!

John Kane

Hello. I read a comic, did a little dance. Felt it needed more work as a critical medium and fell back on words. Sometimes the Old Ways are best. Anyway, this…

“There’s Nothing WRONG WITH YOU That I Can’t Fix..WITH MY TENTACLES!” COMICS! Sometimes Comics Are Like The Sponge And Must Go Porous!

John Kane

In which I unwisely blurt out some words about a Spongebob comic. If yesterday’s ridiculous farrago is any indication it will in fact really be about Tarot’s chest and largely entail me shouting like a crazy person about people misusing the land in front of my house. Or maybe I got my boat to float this time out. Altogether now, Kids..! By Chabot, Kochalka, HiFi & Comicraft Anyway this…

“HER AG-GRES-SIVE-NESS DOES NOT/COM-PRO-MISE HER FEM-I-NIN-ITY” COMICS! Sometimes Everyone Was Robot Fighting (Those Kicks Were Fast As Lightning)!

John Kane

America! How’s that 4th of July Weekend thing going for you? Man, Canada just touches itself for one day but you lot take a whole weekend! Always fireworks on the4th of July as Max Cady said. Hope you all had a truly lovely time even though you are basically breaking our balls over here. No hard feelings! Here’s some words about comics. Hey, Magnus, can you guess which I liked best? Nope. Anyway, this…

“Make A NECKTIE With His TONGUE!” COMICS! Sometimes You Can’t Put Lipstick On A Bat!

John Kane

Well what with all the IT hilarity I don’t know whether this will be here tomorrow but let’s live for today and look at some Batman comics. That’s what they mean, right, when they say live each day like there’s no tomorrow, right? They mean read some Batman comics. I mean if people seriously lived life for the moment then there’d be no societal infrastructure and stuff would just never get done; you know what folk are like they would be be looting, murdering and rutting like dogs in the street. It’d be like a prison riot but the whole world would be the prison. Now I think about it, Live each day like there’s no tomorrow is some pretty…  Read More…

“I Ran ‘em!” COMICS! Sometimes Even The Flash looks Like An Aimless Dawdler In Comparison!

John Kane

The comics I’m on about this week were not only originally published before you were born they were originally published before I was born; well, just. Tasty! They feature a man who can run really fast but instead of fighting crime and talking killer gorillas he instead wins races in bleak Northern towns purely for his own satisfaction. Somewhere in that comparison I think there lurks the crux of the difference between the American and English characters. Best not to dwell on it, eh? Anyway, this…

“And If There’s No News…I’ll Go Out And Bite A Dog!” MOVIES! Sometimes You Can All Komodo My Place And We’ll Watch Some Stuff!

John Kane

Okay, there’s nothing happening in my head comics wise at the moment. But I wanted to chuck some content up so here’s some stuff about movies. The earliest one here was made in 1947 and the latest one was broadcast a week ago so something for everyone? Highly unlikely. Anyway, this…

“Sometimes I Ride A Horse Too.” COMICS! Sometimes I’m not Bored, I’m Actually Quite Entertained. But Thanks for Asking, Klytus!

John Kane

Oh hey, I wrote about some comics. Wonders never cease do they? By Laming, Parker, Boyd & Bowland Anyway, this…

“The Weaving of Ornate Tapestries Glorifying Our Ancestors and Their Bygone Way of Life.” COMICS! Sometimes I Treat You Like My Local Library And Continue To Patronise You!

John Kane

This week I visited my library and took out and read a recent-ish TPB of some quite old Conan comics, 1982 or thereabouts. Then I tried to put my thoughts about ‘em into what them there clever folks call words. I think it worked out about as well as that usually does for me. Probably a lot less well for you. One thing I did discover was that the Hyborian equivalent of Occam’s Razor was Conan’s Rock: Anyway, this…

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