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“Pop…EVERYTHIN’ I Want Costs MONEY!” COMICS! Sometimes I Slap Leather!

John Kane

Sorry, that garage clearing was a beast. Still, look what I found: Hawk, Son of Tomahawk by Thorne & Kanigher Anyway, this…

“WHO’S Stubborn?” COMICS! Sometimes Only The Sea Sees!

John Kane

No, no, no! Oh, Sgt Rock, the optimum method of seagull attracting is to be a small child stood in St Ives holding a rapidly collapsing ’99, as my still somewhat traumatised son will attest. Naturally I realise it isn’t the fault of the seagull but rather that of the idiots who persist in feeding them in flagrant contravention of the many signs prohibiting this precise behaviour. (I am particularly proud of how middle-aged that sentence sounds; it’s the written equivalent of rolling up my jacket sleeves and nodding fiercely along to a shitty Phil Collins “number”. At a wedding.) SGT ROCK by Heath & Kanigher Anyway, this…

“In This Issue: EVERYONE DIES!” Sometimes It’s Not Just The G.I. Who is Immortal!

John Kane

Being a gallery of comics covers featuring The Unknown Soldier, drawn mostly by Joe Kubert (1926-2012). Yes, okay, a cursory bit of staid analysis and a little tearful nostalgia too, but mostly some timelessly exciting imagery. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did (and continue to). Art by Gerry Talaoc Anyway, this…

“..When You’re Digging For Artifacts…Don’t Bury Your Reputation!” COMICS! Sometimes I Guess You Can’t Trust An Orangutan!

John Kane

In which I continue to drag you along on my cheerless trudge through all the 1970s Marvel UK issues of Planet of the Apes Weekly a man at work lent me that time. Doesn’t it just make everything in your life seem radiant with an inner light by comparison? Suit yourself. Planet of the Apes by George Tuska, Mike Esposito & Doug Moench Anyway, this…

“You Can’t…Put A BULLET…In A NIGHTMARE!” COMICS! Sometimes Pleasures Can Be Dark Indeed!

John Kane

Thanks to the snow and the UK’s inability to ever cope with it I got a bit of extra time (but not your…kisss!). I’ll have to make that time up mind you, but don’t you worry about that, because here’s a pitiful splatter of words about a collection of Tom Sutton’s work on Charlton’s “ghost” line of comics. I should probably tell you upfront that I liked ’em, because I know I can be a bit equivocal about this stuff. Anyway, this…

“Run Scared And You End Up Running From Yourself.” COMICS! Sometimes A Sunday Morning Is The Last Thing You’d Think To Compare Him to!

John Kane

Carlos Ezquerra. Alan Hebden. Major Eazy. Major Eazy by Carlos Ezquerra Anyway, this…

“Man HAS No Understanding, Dr. Zira! He Can Be Taught A Few Simple TRICKS Nothing More!” COMICS! Sometimes I’m Just Glad I Don’t Have Ka-Zar’s Vet Bills!

John Kane

In which I continue to fly in the face of popular opinion, medical advice, and common sense to continue my languorous amble through Marvel UK’s Planet of the Apes Weekly. Planet of the Apes by Tuska, Esposito & Moench Anyway, this…

“You Who Are Reading Me Now Are A Different Breed – I Hope A Better One.” COMICS! Sometimes You Stop And Find Forty Years Have Slipped Down The Back of The Sofa!

John Kane

Yes! This is a thing which is happening! It’s the second patience sapping instalment of the world’s slowest and most digressive crawl through Marvel UK’s Planet of the Apes Weekly (1974 – 1977). O ye of little faith! Run, you fools! Planet of the Apes by George Tuska, Mike Esposito & Doug Moench Anyway, this…

“…His Wisdom Must Walk Hand In Hand With His Idiocy.” INSANE RAMBLING! COMICS! Sometimes It’s Context Of The Planet Of The Apes!

John Kane

Laydeez enn gennelmen! Please be seated for tonight’s presentation. Refreshments are available from the kiosk. Smoking is permitted in the auditorium because this is the 1970s and we are all going to live forever. Yes, your eyes do not deceive you, this is the 1970s. This is the Bronze Age. And this? This is the Preamble to The Planet of the Apes. (Again.) Cher on The Planet of the Apes. Yes, Really. Anyway, this…

“And Now For The KILL!” COMICS! Sometimes I Think You Are Going To Ignore this Particular Comic Until It Swims Up And Bites You On The Ass!

John Kane

Ho-Ho-HOOK JAW! Season’s Greetings from the ACTION Age of AGGRO! Anyway, this…

“No WANDERING OFF.” COMICS (and MOVIES)! Sometimes All Other Priorities Are Rescinded!

John Kane

Hello! You can blame this one on a conversation I had at a party. I say party but at my age that’s four men in a suburban living room with some nibbles and tinnies with the conversation always one slurred word away from movies. At that point it’s all about ALIEN from my end of the couch. And so is this huge block of stale drivel. It’s a bit wayward but if you stick with it I do mention comics eventually. Dedicated to the enduring magic of the wrestler, teacher and actor Mr. Brian Glover (1934-1997). Anyway, this…

“F*** it. I’ll Do It Meself.” MOVIES! Sometimes No Matter How Warm The Fire Is You Shouldn’t Sit With Your Back To The World!

John Kane

In which an old man suckers you in by talking about a movie you might have seen recently and then bores your balls bald by chuntering on about a triple bill of flamboyantly and unrepentantly 1970s Vincent Price horror movies. Cardomon – it’s the spice of life! No, wait, it’s variety! Anyway, this…

“They’ve Set Fire To The Universe!! Look Out! LOOK OUT!” COMICS! Sometimes We Celebrate The Arrival On Earth of Jack Kirby!!

John Kane

Yes, it’s that time of the year again! The time of the year when we celebrate the eternal magic of the man born on this day in 1917 as Jacob Kurtzberg; a man more commonly known to all as Jack Kirby. I’ll shut my fat yapper now because this is his day and so without any further ado here are a selection of “cosmic”!!! images that just boggle my mind every time I see ’em. Many happy returns then to the man whose physical form has gone but whose genius transcends mortality. KIRBY!!! Anyway, this…

“They’re Rewriting History. But They Forgot About Me.” VIDEO GAMES! Sometimes I Think After Manic Miner It Was All Downhill.

John Kane

Geeze Louise, it’s a regular content tailback you can see from space we got going on here. Below this is Brian “Two Shops” Hibbs’ Shipping List and under that is Abhay Khosla’s typically effervescent take on the TV pitch comic Fatale. Me, I let the side down and do a good impression of a middle aged man who doesn’t understand what he is looking at or why it is doing those things. Yes! I played a video game and I didn’t have to go to an Arcade to do it. It was in my own home. Food in pill form next. I’m tellin’ ya! IT’S PEOPLE! Oh, be warned; I have no idea how to get pictures off my XBox…  Read More…

“I Ran ‘em!” COMICS! Sometimes Even The Flash looks Like An Aimless Dawdler In Comparison!

John Kane

The comics I’m on about this week were not only originally published before you were born they were originally published before I was born; well, just. Tasty! They feature a man who can run really fast but instead of fighting crime and talking killer gorillas he instead wins races in bleak Northern towns purely for his own satisfaction. Somewhere in that comparison I think there lurks the crux of the difference between the American and English characters. Best not to dwell on it, eh? Anyway, this…

“If This Was Dinner…I Can’t Wait For The Cabaret!” MOVIES! Sometimes…The Year Must Die!

John Kane

So, I didn’t get near any comics this Holiday but I am always writing nevertheless. In my head mostly. So, although I haven’t got anything about comics I have got a head full of dumb words about some Peter Cushing films I watched this year. Usually I just dump this head written stuff into the ether but I felt like posting something and this was all I had. So I dumped it on you. Attractive, non? Anway; an old man, some old movies and a spatter of tired old jokes. What better way to see the New Year in. Have a drink, it’ll read better that way. Everything’s better when you’re insensate with drink. That’s what it’s for. Oh yeah,…  Read More…

“Why Did You Turn Us From Pets Into Slaves?” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 4)

John Kane

Believe you me when I say I share your relief as we thunder into the fourth and final part of what people as far away as the chair next to me are calling a Planet of The Apes Weekly gallery! Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! Anyway, this…

“Because I Loathe Bananas!” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 3)

John Kane

“Beware the beast Man, for he is the Content’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he scans for the attention of strangers during Internet lulls. Yea, he will politely ask his work-mate to borrow his work-mate’s Planet of The Apes Weekly collection. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will spend most of his time washing, cleaning and generally running about to little result before finally sitting and staring dully into the far distance. Shun him; drive him back into his new-build lair, for he is the harbinger of death.” Thus spaketh The Lawgiver. And so Part Three of the Planet of The Apes Weekly cover gallery begins: Anyway, this…

“What The Hell Would I Have To Say To A Gorilla?!?” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 2)

John Kane

Well, Christmas The Holidays are almost upon us! Now, if you do knock back the old grape juice plus please refrain from driving. This isn’t the Nineteen Seventies, you know! Although you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise as we plummet into the second part of our gallery of Planet of The Apes Weekly (very old but VERY GOOD!) covers. It ain’t Nostalgia, it’s History. (Okay, it’s nostalgia). BONUS**BONUS***: Fool your friends! Baffle your enemies! Be hunted by the Government and shot in a ship yard with our Amazing Like-Life Ape Mask! (Never use scissors unless supervised by an adult.) Anyway, this…

“…There Must be A Creature Superior To Man.” (Slight Reprise) COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes!

John Kane

It is with no small amount of shame that I note it has been over a year(!) since I promised to take a look at Planet of The Apes Weekly. Um. Prizes for the best excuses! Er, I mean reasons. Look, we’re all adults so let’s all just put it behind us and move on. As a special Christmas Treat, and as a small act of atonement, please find the covers to the first 31 issues of Planet of The Apes Weekly. If you like ’em I’ll do some more. And, okay, we’ll see what we can do about, y’know, going on about the contents in word form. No promises, mind. Special BONUS: from hereonin I (mostly) shut my mad…  Read More…

“Dig It, Fangs–” COMICS! Sometimes It’s The Unsteady Dead!

John Kane

It’s a Skip Week! Oh, oh, the horror! So let’s take your mind off it and hurriedly look at some comics which originally appeared some forty one years back. Way back, back when a lady entering a pub unaccompanied would be burned as a witch. And rightly so! Look, it was either this or I did a Best Comics of 2013 like everyone and their mother, but you know what The Best Comics of 2013 are? Whatever you think they are! Merry Christmas! Don’t worry, I try and get serious later. That’s usually quite funny isn’t it; like a chimp baking or something? So, Tomb of Dracula! Anyway, this…

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