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“No WANDERING OFF.” COMICS (and MOVIES)! Sometimes All Other Priorities Are Rescinded!

John Kane

Hello! You can blame this one on a conversation I had at a party. I say party but at my age that’s four men in a suburban living room with some nibbles and tinnies with the conversation always one slurred word away from movies. At that point it’s all about ALIEN from my end of the couch. And so is this huge block of stale drivel. It’s a bit wayward but if you stick with it I do mention comics eventually. Dedicated to the enduring magic of the wrestler, teacher and actor Mr. Brian Glover (1934-1997). Anyway, this…

“F*** it. I’ll Do It Meself.” MOVIES! Sometimes No Matter How Warm The Fire Is You Shouldn’t Sit With Your Back To The World!

John Kane

In which an old man suckers you in by talking about a movie you might have seen recently and then bores your balls bald by chuntering on about a triple bill of flamboyantly and unrepentantly 1970s Vincent Price horror movies. Cardomon – it’s the spice of life! No, wait, it’s variety! Anyway, this…

“They’ve Set Fire To The Universe!! Look Out! LOOK OUT!” COMICS! Sometimes We Celebrate The Arrival On Earth of Jack Kirby!!

John Kane

Yes, it’s that time of the year again! The time of the year when we celebrate the eternal magic of the man born on this day in 1917 as Jacob Kurtzberg; a man more commonly known to all as Jack Kirby. I’ll shut my fat yapper now because this is his day and so without any further ado here are a selection of “cosmic”!!! images that just boggle my mind every time I see ‘em. Many happy returns then to the man whose physical form has gone but whose genius transcends mortality. KIRBY!!! Anyway, this…

“They’re Rewriting History. But They Forgot About Me.” VIDEO GAMES! Sometimes I Think After Manic Miner It Was All Downhill.

John Kane

Geeze Louise, it’s a regular content tailback you can see from space we got going on here. Below this is Brian “Two Shops” Hibbs’ Shipping List and under that is Abhay Khosla’s typically effervescent take on the TV pitch comic Fatale. Me, I let the side down and do a good impression of a middle aged man who doesn’t understand what he is looking at or why it is doing those things. Yes! I played a video game and I didn’t have to go to an Arcade to do it. It was in my own home. Food in pill form next. I’m tellin’ ya! IT’S PEOPLE! Oh, be warned; I have no idea how to get pictures off my XBox…  Read More…

“I Ran ‘em!” COMICS! Sometimes Even The Flash looks Like An Aimless Dawdler In Comparison!

John Kane

The comics I’m on about this week were not only originally published before you were born they were originally published before I was born; well, just. Tasty! They feature a man who can run really fast but instead of fighting crime and talking killer gorillas he instead wins races in bleak Northern towns purely for his own satisfaction. Somewhere in that comparison I think there lurks the crux of the difference between the American and English characters. Best not to dwell on it, eh? Anyway, this…

“If This Was Dinner…I Can’t Wait For The Cabaret!” MOVIES! Sometimes…The Year Must Die!

John Kane

So, I didn’t get near any comics this Holiday but I am always writing nevertheless. In my head mostly. So, although I haven’t got anything about comics I have got a head full of dumb words about some Peter Cushing films I watched this year. Usually I just dump this head written stuff into the ether but I felt like posting something and this was all I had. So I dumped it on you. Attractive, non? Anway; an old man, some old movies and a spatter of tired old jokes. What better way to see the New Year in. Have a drink, it’ll read better that way. Everything’s better when you’re insensate with drink. That’s what it’s for. Oh yeah,…  Read More…

“Why Did You Turn Us From Pets Into Slaves?” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 4)

John Kane

Believe you me when I say I share your relief as we thunder into the fourth and final part of what people as far away as the chair next to me are calling a Planet of The Apes Weekly gallery! Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho! Anyway, this…

“Because I Loathe Bananas!” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 3)

John Kane

“Beware the beast Man, for he is the Content’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he scans for the attention of strangers during Internet lulls. Yea, he will politely ask his work-mate to borrow his work-mate’s Planet of The Apes Weekly collection. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will spend most of his time washing, cleaning and generally running about to little result before finally sitting and staring dully into the far distance. Shun him; drive him back into his new-build lair, for he is the harbinger of death.” Thus spaketh The Lawgiver. And so Part Three of the Planet of The Apes Weekly cover gallery begins: Anyway, this…

“What The Hell Would I Have To Say To A Gorilla?!?” COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes (Part 2)

John Kane

Well, Christmas The Holidays are almost upon us! Now, if you do knock back the old grape juice plus please refrain from driving. This isn’t the Nineteen Seventies, you know! Although you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise as we plummet into the second part of our gallery of Planet of The Apes Weekly (very old but VERY GOOD!) covers. It ain’t Nostalgia, it’s History. (Okay, it’s nostalgia). BONUS**BONUS***: Fool your friends! Baffle your enemies! Be hunted by the Government and shot in a ship yard with our Amazing Like-Life Ape Mask! (Never use scissors unless supervised by an adult.) Anyway, this…

“…There Must be A Creature Superior To Man.” (Slight Reprise) COMICS! Sometimes It Is Christmas On The Planet of The Apes!

John Kane

It is with no small amount of shame that I note it has been over a year(!) since I promised to take a look at Planet of The Apes Weekly. Um. Prizes for the best excuses! Er, I mean reasons. Look, we’re all adults so let’s all just put it behind us and move on. As a special Christmas Treat, and as a small act of atonement, please find the covers to the first 31 issues of Planet of The Apes Weekly. If you like ‘em I’ll do some more. And, okay, we’ll see what we can do about, y’know, going on about the contents in word form. No promises, mind. Special BONUS: from hereonin I (mostly) shut my mad…  Read More…

“Dig It, Fangs–” COMICS! Sometimes It’s The Unsteady Dead!

John Kane

It’s a Skip Week! Oh, oh, the horror! So let’s take your mind off it and hurriedly look at some comics which originally appeared some forty one years back. Way back, back when a lady entering a pub unaccompanied would be burned as a witch. And rightly so! Look, it was either this or I did a Best Comics of 2013 like everyone and their mother, but you know what The Best Comics of 2013 are? Whatever you think they are! Merry Christmas! Don’t worry, I try and get serious later. That’s usually quite funny isn’t it; like a chimp baking or something? So, Tomb of Dracula! Anyway, this…

“Aimed Like A Spear-Head At Your VITALS!!” COMICS! Sometimes They Beggar Belief!!

John Kane

Did the Pharaohs crave eggnog? The riddle of children and adults – could “aging” hold the answer? Revealed – The Treasure Map of The Cosbys!!! Disease – Could it be caused by creatures too small to see!!! Are “facts” just very popular lies?!? Did YOU man the concessionary stand at Ford’s theatre that fateful April Friday in 1865?!? The Bermuda Triangle – what if you did look at it from Barry Manilow’s angle? Even on its best day Science will be helpless to explain how in 1971 Jack Kirby predicted Jeff Lester’s beard of 2013: Who’s laughing now, Science! WHO IS “LAUGHING” NOW?!? Anyway, this…

“…Not As A Mystery–But As A MAN!” COMICS! Sometimes The King Knew The Score!

John Kane

Celebrate your Dad, come on! (Let’s Celebrate!). Smooth segues be damned on this, The Day of The Father; didjya know that Jack Kirby was also a Father? Like all Fathers Jack Kirby knew of “The Task” but only Jack Kirby dared speak of it. The final, greatest “task” of any Father; when he must remove the bomb from his child’s head while waving him or her off into “The Future“, remaining behind to be blown up in their stead. Wait, maybe it was a metaphor! Or maybe I just wanted to post some Jack Kirby covers because, hey, today I get celebrated (COME ON!!!) so bit busy, yeah?  Maybe more substantial content later? J_Smitty did some reviews one post down…  Read More…

“That Soldier–He’s A Woman?!” COMICS! Sometimes We Sing A Song For The Unsung!

John Kane

So, I managed to wrestle a broken down wreck of a scanner out of the garage. To give it a proper work out I scanned in a bunch of covers by the artist Luis Dominguez; who I totally rate. I chucked in a bit of context but don’t worry there aren’t many words in this one. Mostly it’s a bunch of ’70s Western covers by a neglected Argentinian artist. I say mostly covers but also the famous scene where Scalphunter arm wrestled Abe Lincoln. Top that, Spielberg! Anyway, this…

“A Tiger Doesn’t Give A Buffalo Warning.” COMICS! Sometimes They aaaAAAIEEEE!!! DAAKEESE MOB!!

John Kane

In the Burmese jungle of 1942 only one thing was more deadly than the Japanese…In the war comics of 1976 only one strip ruled the playground…That thing, that strip was DARKIE’S MOB by Mike Western and John Wagner. COME ON!!! GET SOME!! CAHMMM AHHHNNNNN!!!!

“Thrill Someone You Love…” COMICS! Sometimes It’s The Other Stuff That Catches The Eye!

John Kane

Well, I finally got The Haunted Scanner working so naturally I diddled and faffed around with it a bit. Put it through its paces and all that. Rather than have that time be classed as wasted I thought I’d share with you, the peoples of the World, some of the neglected visual delights within a bunch of 1971/1972 Marvel Comics. Adverts, I’m talking about adverts there. Look, it’s probably better than you fear but not as good as you hope. I can’t say fairer than that. So let’s skip back to the dawn of the 1970s via a scanner and some stapled and browning paper. In a way, it’s a kind of time machine. Maybe. Oh, it’s not making it…  Read More…

“…There Must be A Creature Superior To Man.” COMICS! Sometimes Hasslein Was RIGHT!

John Kane

This isn’t actually a post about comics it’s a post about the posts about comics which are to follow. See, I had an idea…oh dear. Click “More” to enter…The Planet of the Nostalgics! (Art by George Tuska)

“It Relates To Justice!” Comics! Sometimes The King Did ‘em!

John Kane

Jack Kirby (28 August 1917 – 6th February 1994). The King of Comics. Actually, off-panel speaker, I was thinking more of Jack Kirby. Because on 6th February 1994 Jack Kirby died so on 6th February 2012 I read this comic and, later than anticipated because I got distracted, I posted these words about it and about Jack Kirby. Or as he is known ’round here “The King.”  

This Man, This Birthday!

John Kane

Jack Kirby was born on August 28th 1917. Happy Birthday, Jack Kirby.  Pour a soda pop, cut a slice of cake and put on a funny hat (a crown, perchance) as I talk about a Kirby comic after the break.